All right, people. It's time to see if you've been paying attention.
Welcome to the news quiz.
Each month in this space, I'll ask questions based on recent news events, and give you four answers to choose from. Some of the answers will be fake; at least one will be real ... and correct. Score yourself, and if you get them all right you'll get the valuable prizes over where the lovely Carol Merrill is standing. OK, that's a lie. There are no valuable prizes. So just score yourself. Ready? Here we go.
1. Gov. Daniels opened his second inaugural speech with:
A. A shoutout to his homies. Yo! Representing Monongahela!
B. The assertion that a green and growing economy will return to Indiana right after the end of the current Ice Age.
C. References to Kermit The Frog, Big Bird and other members of the State Senate.
D. A silent prayer: God, thank you for not making me Rod Blagojevich.
2. The word used most often to describe President Bush's farewell press conference would be:
3. The General Assembly reconvened and promptly:
A. Went about its business in a new spirit of bi-partisan name-calling.
B. Dove headfirst into this year's attempt to make same-sex marriage unconstitutional.
C. Picked up where they left off last time, shooting dice in the Pro-Tem's office.
D. Made us wonder why we keep reelecting so many of these clods.
4. Upon capture, fugitive financial adviser Marcus Schenker said one word. It was:
5. The United States recently passed Italy in the consumption of:
A. Crappy, chain-restaurant Italian food.
B. Dean Martin records.
D. Shoes that hurt.
6. What does the United States pay Cuba to rent Guantanamo?
A. $4,805 a month. And that doesn't include utilities.
B. Regular shipments of all the "I Love Lucy" DVDs in which Ricky curses in Spanish and sings "Babalu."
C. One thousand boxes of La Fendrich Favoritas.
D. Food, clothing and antique car parts.
7. The Indianapolis Star recently made some of its readers angry by:
B. Shrinking some more.
C. Eliminating the daily prayer.
8. A study recently found that the air inside Indiana casinos:
A. Could be sliced and served in portions.
B. Was full of the merry sounds of people losing to the house's advantage.
C. Is 14 times dirtier than the air outside.
D. Had a faint whiff of desperation about it. Plus a lot of smoke.
9. Head Coach Tony Dungy retired from the Colts to:
A. Serve in the Obama cabinet as Director of Common Sense.
B. Write his memoirs.
C. Write someone else's memoirs.
D. It doesn't matter. Whatever he does, you know he'll do it with class. Or, as he likes to say, the right way.
10. The proposal to make sugar cream the Official Indiana State Pie:
A. Is a no-brainer.
B. Deeply angered the black raspberry lobby.
C. Is typical of the kind of legislative nonsense we have to put up with while the economy goes to hell in a handbasket.
D. Gave new hope to those who want to make good old stick-to-your-ribsdown-home-Amish style mush and headcheese the official breakfast.
And a special bonus question:
11. Gov. Daniels (remember him?) said in his State of the State address:
A. "The economy is in trouble, so here's the plan: I'll worry about the money. You worry about gays and pie."
B. "A time of fiscal austerity will require each of us to forgo for now priorities about which we feel strongly." Such as pie.
C. "If we privatize Meridian Street we can all have another helping of pie."
D. "This is a time for compromise. I suggest we all take a small piece of sugar cream and a small piece of black raspberry."
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