Questioning the CIB, Brizzi and ‘The Bachelor’
All right, class, put a fresh point on those No. 2 Dixon Ticonderogas, because here it comes, the News Quiz.
Mike Redmond
Articles
Questioning Obama, Favre and the CIB’s $50 million
It’s the season for bailouts—banks, businesses, capital improvement boards are all standing on street corners shaking
empty Burger King cups at passing taxpayers.
Sing along with Mike: Holiday tunes revised
It’s holiday time, and nothing gets you into the spirit like songs and carols.
Computers may be sensible, but consumers manipulate them in weird ways
Computers are sensible, but humans using computers are anything but.
FUNNY BUSINESS: The art of letter writing: before the text generation
My sister’s kids, Deniece and Denephew, think it is just hilarious to watch their fumbling uncle trying to send a text message-which has recently become the No. 1 use of cell phones, instead of talking. I poke and prod one measly letter at a time. Meanwhile, the kids-with agile thumbs and secondnature knowledge of a cell phone touch pad-are incredible. To watch them is to see an intricate ballet of the opposable digits (pas de pouces) performed at lightning speed….
FUNNY BUSINESS: This election goes beyond just boxers or briefs
Now that those Laff Riot nominating conventions are over, the major political parties can get down to the serious work of promising to change things by campaigning pretty much the way they always have. Wait. I take that back. I have seen something different about this year’s presidential election campaign, and I don’t mean the obvious stuff, like John McCain and Joe Biden being (and I can’t believe no one has pointed this out) white guys. This is the first…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Wrap-master Redmond on Reynolds e-mail
I suppose you got the e-mail about Reynolds Wrap. Oh. Well, then, you’re among the few Amer icans who didn’t Actually, you might want to check your e mail after you finish reading IBJ. It’ll probably be waiting in your in-box Although I guess you really won’t have to, seeing as how I’m going to go ahead and spoil the surprise. Under a subject line full of typical Internet understatement (“OMG! THIS IS SO AMAZING! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!”)…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Wrap-master Redmond on Reynolds e-mail
I suppose you got the e-mail about Reynolds Wrap. Oh. Well, then, you’re among the few Amer icans who didn’t Actually, you might want to check your e mail after you finish reading IBJ. It’ll probably be waiting in your in-box Although I guess you really won’t have to, seeing as how I’m going to go ahead and spoil the surprise. Under a subject line full of typical Internet understatement (“OMG! THIS IS SO AMAZING! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!”)…
FUNNY BUSINESS: You’ll know really bad drivers when you see them
A reader recently forwarded an e-mail ranking the worst American drivers by city, along with the suggestion “Make fun of this.” While I usually don’t respond to such directives, this case was different, seeing as how it came from my mother. You know how it is. Anyway, here we go-a column about the worst drivers in America, as ranked by a well-known insurance company and recommended by Mom. The Top 10 “Where-Did-These-People-Get-Their-Licenses?” cities are: Columbia, S.C.; St. Louis, Mo.; Greensboro,…
FUNNY BUSINESS: A farewell to fairways: Why I’m retiring from golf
More than once I’ve been told that to get ahead in business, I need to play golf. Sorry. Not going to happen. Oh, it isn’t because I don’t like golf. Quite the contrary. I love golf. Golf, properly done, can be beautiful: the ballet of the swing; the crack of the driver against the teed ball; the drive rocketing away from the tee box, curving to the right and then drawing itself back onto the fairway; a laser-guided short iron…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Begging for a Super Bowl: The ego and the bid
And so another Indianapolis Super Duper Bowl offering is in the hands of the immortals, also known as the NFL owners, delivered there by scrubbed, shining, briefcase-toting eighth graders. Now we know how far some adults will go to avoid rejection. The kids were chosen for this mission to, in the words of the organizers, show that the entire community wants to host the 2012 Championship of the World (Not Including All The Countries Outside The United States.) What a…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Wing and a prayer: Surviving today’s air travel
One of the great struggles of the day-Airlines vs. Human Beings-has taken some interesting turns lately, but the score remains the same as it has been for years: The human beings are not winning. Consider these touchdowns, so to speak, just from the last couple of weeks: A piece of a wing detaches itself from a US Airways jet and smacks into several of the plane’s windows before falling to the ground somewhere in Maryland. “May I have your attention,…
FUNNY BUSINESS: One paper goes Britney-free-it’s a darn good start
With the possible exception of the people who run this newspaper and either allow me to write for it or haven’t noticed that I do, David Little is the greatest newspaperman in America today. Little is the editor of the Chico (Calif.) Enterprise-Record, who declared his paper a Britney-free publication-No Spears, None Of The Time. He wrote in his column: “This is a woman who seems to have mental health issues, shall we say. We’d never make light of a…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Oklahoma has a state meal. What about Indiana?
I hate to be the bearer of news like t h i s – e s p e c i a l l y when the legislators are in town and looking for ways to distract themselves from having to make real decisions-but Our Beloved Indiana is falling behind at least one other state. We don’t have a state meal. We have a state bird (cardinal, same as 35 or 40 other states). We have a state rock (limestone-what else?)….
FUNNY BUSINESS: ‘Twas the office pitch-in before Christmas
I love this time of year … the lights, the music, the hustle and bustle of shoppers rushing from optometrist to optometrist trying to use up their flex spending money before the year runs out. And then there are the holiday greetings. How meaningful and thoughtful they are, especially the ones that begin, “Due to lower-than-expected performance in the first three quarters, the traditional holiday bonus will this year be replaced with the enclosed certificate good for 50 percent off…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Pushing my luck with two good trips to the BMV
Like a lot of people-which is to say, most Indiana residents-I have long greeted going to the license bureau with the enthusiasm customarily reserved for dental surgery. The difference, of course, is that you get drugs for your root canal, but not even a double helping of nitrous oxide could make a fun afternoon out of getting new license plates. Well, hold on to your hats. I had to go to the license bureau twice last month, once for a…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Survey says: I think I’m still in seventh grade
Goof that I am, I joined one of those social network Websites, Face Space or something, thinking it might help me get a little speaking or entertaining business. What I have gotten instead are surveys, lots and lots of surveys. And I use the term loosely. Most surveys in which I’ve participated in the past had some sort of point-usually for marketing purposes. They wanted to know what sort of dishwasher you have, which political candidate you prefer, or how…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Newsflash to Christmas marketers: It’s still summer
Four days after Labor Day, the first Christmas catalog showed up in my mailbox. Four. Days. After. Labor. Day. Sometimes, all you can do is shake your head. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas. I start looking forward to Christmas every Dec. 26. I am a bona fide, certified Yuletide nut. That does not, however, mean I wish to “get a jump” on my Christmas shopping, as the catalog advised. Jump? JUMP? This isn’t a jump. This is…
FUNNY BUSINESS: The World of Tomorrow hovers, prepares to land
It’s a hovercraft, the M200G from the fine folks at Moller International of Davis, Calif. It has eight rotary engines that create enough oomph to lift the thing about 10 feet in the air, just high enough to zoom over traffic and crack your head on a stoplight. Which, let’s face it, would add a much-needed element of comedy to the average morning commute. But anyway, about the car: It’s about time. I’ve been waiting for this thing since I…
FUNNY BUSINESS: Working from home not all Sprite and Cheetos
Being selfemployed and working at home is usually a pretty good deal. You set your own hours and your own dress code (you haven’t seen Casual Friday until you’ve seen Home Office Casual Friday). Snack time is never far away. And if you need to take a break for the 4 p.m. showing of “Hong Kong Phooey” on the Boomerang channel, well, who’s to stop you? But that’s not to say it’s all Sprite and Cheetos. I’m thinking of vacations….