Sing along with Mike: Holiday tunes revised

It’s holiday time, and nothing gets you into the spirit like songs and carols.

Except maybe this year. Things have been so weird that the old tunes just aren’t doing the job for me. So I stepped into the
breach and wrote new lyrics for some old favorites — lyrics that reflect our lives as we stagger through another holiday season.
Join us at the water cooler as we sing new versions of …

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town:

Oh, you better watch out. Don’t be a jerk.

Half of us soon will be out of work.

Uh-oh, HR’s calling for you.

We Three Kings:

We three heads of carmakers went.

Bearing hats in hands for our rent.

Hoped to sail out with a bailout

From our predicament
(Ohhhhh……)

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear:

At last, it opened for games this year,

The stadium on the south side,

The roof retracts and the windows gleam

And we’re all
bursting with pride,

Except, of course for malcontents,

Who seem to think it is a sin

To build a palace by taxing those

Who
can’t afford to go in.

Santa Baby:

Mayor Baby,

Send some asphalt down to my street

Complete

With a crew that knows what to

Do

To fix

The hole that wrecked my
Chevy tonight.



O Tannenbaum:

Joe Lieberman, Joe Lieberman, which party do you vote with?

Joe Lieberman, Joe Lieberman, which party do you vote with?

You
campaigned hard for John McCain

But when the Congress met again

Your committee you retained.



Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!:



Oh the climate outside is warming

And it’s causing lots of storming.

But if FEMA’s heading your way,

Run away! Run away! Run
away!

O Little Town Of Bethlehem:

Oh Little Town Of Castleton

How large we’ve seen you grow

With every kind of store and shop

A human being could know

But in
this month of commerce

You take it on the chin

The folks can’t buy; the gridlock’s bad

And no one can get in.

O Holy Night:

Oh, holy crap

I finally got the tax bill

I have two weeks and then it’s overdue.

Waited eight months

For them to send the
bill out

And now it’s Christmas.

Oh what can I do?

Take back the gifts I bought my son

and daughter?

My kids will cry that
Santa thinks

they’re bad.

Fall on your knees.

And pray for intervention.

A blue bolt or two aimed at the treasurer would do.


Oh crap. I’m broke, and I owe.

Oh, do I owe.

Or course, there’s one holiday lyric that doesn’t need to be changed. It’s perfect for these times just as Hugh Martin wrote
it, back in 1944:

"Through the years, we all will be together, if the fates allow. "Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow."

Works for me. Happy Holidays.

___

Redmond is an author, columnist and speaker, and a consultant on business writing and workplace issues. His column appears
monthly. You can reach him at mredmond@ibj.com.