MAURER: Movie quotes with modern meanings

June 23, 2012

Mickey MaurerMy son, Greg, and I were planning to go to the movies on Father’s Day weekend, but we couldn’t find a motion picture worth the price of the popcorn. That started me reminiscing about the days when movies were more than just special effects. I cited “The Godfather,” “Casablanca” and “Citizen Kane,” and we quoted some classic movie lines.

Later, I Googled the American Film Institute’s list of 100 favorite movie quotes and discovered that many of these quotes are still relevant provided we just replace the speakers. Witness the following list:

• “Here’s looking at you, kid.” “Casablanca” (1942) UPDATE: Not Bogie but Indianapolis resident Jeremy S. Shepherd, arrested for voyeurism for spying on a 16-year-old girl in a tanning bed.

• “Show me the money.” “Jerry Maguire” (1996) UPDATE: Not Tom Cruise but Lincoln Plowman, City-County councilman, convicted of bribery and the solicitation of a bribe.

• “Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!” “Auntie Mame” (1958) UPDATE: Not Rosiland Russell but Tim Durham, convicted for fraud in the massive collapse of Fair Finance Co.

• “Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!” “Sons of the Desert” (1933) UPDATE: Not Laurel and Hardy but James Cochran blaming Tim Durham, his co-defendant in the fraud case.

• “I’m walking here! I’m walking here!” “Midnight Cowboy” (1969) UPDATE: Not Dustin Hoffman but Angela Buchman, meteorologist who quit WISH-TV, Channel 8 for rival WTHR-TV, Channel 13.

• “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.” “Gone With the Wind” (1939) UPDATE: Not Vivien Leigh but Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey.

• “Well, nobody’s perfect.” “Some Like It Hot” (1959) UPDATE: Not Joe E. Brown but Mel Gibson, actor, producer and scourge of humanity.

• “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” “Gone With the Wind (1939) UPDATE: Not Clark Gable but Bob Knight to Indiana University.

• “I feel the need—the need for speed!” “Top Gun” (1981) UPDATE: Not Tom Cruise but IMPD Officer David Bisard, accused of being drunk and driving recklessly to a non-emergency call he had not been dispatched to.

• “Say ‘hello’ to my little friend!” “Scarface” (1983) UPDATE: Not Al Pacino but President Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky.

• “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” “Love Story” (1970) UPDATE: Not Ali McGraw but the Catholic Church.

• “Nobody puts baby in the corner.” “Dirty Dancing” (1987) UPDATE: Not Patrick Swayze but Indianapolis Councilman Joseph Simpson who was arrested on preliminary charges of refusing to leave an emergency area.

• “Play it, Sam. Play ‘As Time Goes By.’” “Casablanca” (1942). Not Ingrid Bergman but financier Allen Stanford, who was put away for 110 years.

• “You can’t handle the truth.” “A Few Good Men” (1992) UPDATE: Not Jack Nicholson but pitcher Roger Clemens, on trial for perjury.

• “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” “On the Waterfront” (1954) UPDATE: Not Marlon Brando but another one from Durham, who once bragged that he would be the richest man in the world.

• “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” “Apocalypse Now” (1979) UPDATE: Not Robert Duvall but George W. Bush, explaining the senseless invasion of Iraq in 2003.

• “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” “Network” (1976) UPDATE: Not Peter Finch but Indiana Speaker of the House Brian Bosma, who imposed a fine on Pat Bauer after he and his fellow Democrats walked out of the Legislature.

• “There’s no place like home.” “The Wizard of Oz” (1939) UPDATE: Not Judy Garland but Bauer after five weeks in Illinois.

• “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” “Silence of the Lambs” (1991) UPDATE: Not Anthony Hopkins but Mayor Greg Ballard after vetoing the City-Council bill requiring a new redistricting.

Stay home and rent an oldie. These quotes are classic.•


Maurer is a shareholder in IBJ Corp., which owns Indianapolis Business Journal. His column appears every other week. To comment on this column, send e-mail to mmaurer@ibj.com.


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