Subscriber Benefit
As a subscriber you can listen to articles at work, in the car, or while you work out. Subscribe Now
A few minutes before I sat down to write this, something “historic”—at least in my house—occurred. My wife is out of town for work, and I emptied out the dishwasher, all by myself, and not out of necessity.
One could say there are two types of people in this world: Those who rolled their eyes at that joke and those who can relate. I prefer to celebrate the wins in life, no matter how big or small, even if I celebrate by myself.
In hindsight, I don’t know why I emptied the dishwasher without prompting. But it felt good. Maybe she will notice on her own, maybe she won’t (she will), but at least I will be padding the stats for the next time I hear that I “never” empty the dishwasher.
A few years ago, I saw a video of now-retired U.S. Adm. William McRaven giving a commencement speech to the University of Texas-Austin titled, “Change the world by making your bed.” Paraphrasing his words, he said that completing one task will turn into completing another task, and another, and making your bed will remind you that the little things in life matter.
His advice was for college students, not necessarily married couples, but “adulting” in marriage is full of little things that can matter, even if you are trying to avoid them. Marriage is a team sport, or so I’m told. A standard team roster is two people, and on most days, I make my wife’s team.
I’ll admit that basic household chores are called basic for a reason. To the admiral’s point, one accomplishment does often lead to the next. I can, at times, get “in the zone” and knock out a list of tasks (often “given” to me, or occasionally self-made) in a short time. This usually happens when we are having guests over and I shift into “Flight of the Bumblebee” mode to be a proper host, but also to avoid hearing the following day that a guest commented on “clutter” on a countertop (surely not one of my friends).
Motivation should not dilute the accomplishment.
I got out of the Peace Corps 20 years ago, and despite my two decades of repatriation, I still have a high tolerance for someone else’s “messy” domicile. I secretly wish others shared that indifference, too, but I’ll never win that argument. However, if I come to your house, and there are some footprints on the kitchen floor, or some papers on the kitchen table, or recycling that needs to be taken out, please don’t apologize—I didn’t even notice. I was oblivious and just happy to be invited over.
After having a long-term roommate for nearly 11 years, it might be time to take McRaven’s advice and step it up around the house. There is no chance that my first accomplishment of the day will be making the bed. Surely the admiral would understand if he knew how many pillows (functional and purely decorative) and extra blankets I’m dealing with each day. Better to pick something else that can be done later in the day, and potentially more public, so I might receive extra points if her friends notice it.
An hour later, I’m still decently proud of myself for emptying the dishwasher. I know no one will congratulate me on my basic but historic (to me) action, but I at least know one person who will write a column about it.•
__________
Rateike is founder and owner of BAR Communications and served as director of cabinet communications for President Donald Trump. Send comments to [email protected].
Click here for more Forefront columns.
Please enable JavaScript to view this content.