Dennis Murphy: Fathers play critical role in developing strong kids

As we approach Father’s Day, we can anticipate what will happen in the coming days. Words scribbled on crayon drawings, printed in greeting cards and spoken out loud will thank dads for everything from playing catch and fixing cars to giving good advice and “simply being there.”

As heartfelt as those messages will be, they’ll miss some important contributions dads make. Then again, you’re unlikely to see a note that says, “Thanks, Dad, for reducing my risk of poverty,” or a card that says, “Because of you, I won’t go to prison.” And even a heartfelt conversation probably won’t include the words, “If not for you, I’d be seven times more likely to get pregnant.”

Nonetheless, that would reflect the impact dads have. Indianapolis’ Fathers & Families Center shared national research data that suggests a child who grows up in a home without an involved father is:

• Twice as likely to drop out of school.

• 80% more likely to be incarcerated.

• Seven times more likely to become pregnant or cause pregnancy as a teen.

• Four times more likely to live in poverty.

• Five times more likely to commit suicide.

Further problems radiate from those realities: destabilized families, degraded neighborhoods and countless individuals who fail to meet their potential to contribute positively to cities, states and the nation.

Meanwhile, we all cover the costs. A recent report from the National Fatherhood Initiative revealed that the U.S. government spent $154 billion in one year on programs supporting children and mothers in households without resident fathers — and that doesn’t account for factors like increased incarceration costs, underemployed residents and higher mental health costs that result from households without a dad.

For all of these reasons, I’m challenging us to use this Father’s Day as a platform not simply for celebrating dads but also for committing ourselves to helping dads be as engaged and effective as possible.

Fortunately, there are organizations and programs working to show them the way — with tangible results. For example, the Fathers & Families Center, which offers a range of options for all men looking to become better fathers, notes that formerly incarcerated men who participate in its program have a recidivism rate of only 7%; Marion County’s average is 45%-50%.

But this isn’t just a challenge for organizations, agencies or the government. Each of us can play a role, a thought that became tangible for me a few years ago when I was honored to receive Fathers & Families Center’s Heart of the Father Award. Asked to offer some thoughts on fatherhood, I shared what I’ve learned being dad to three kids.

First, I suggested that fatherhood is a matter of making commitments to your kids and keeping those commitments. Sometimes, that means shutting off your phone and giving your kids your full attention. It also means dads learn to connect with each kid in ways that matter to them. Most notably, perhaps, it means recognizing that you’re always being a role model, even when you don’t know it. Kids pick up on 100% of what you do. They watch how you treat other people. They see what you value by how you spend your time. They see who you are by what you do.

So, to each man who is reading this, I say: Be a dad. And to everyone else, I say: Let’s help every father. Let’s come around them and support them. Because a dad’s impact might not show up on a greeting card or as refrigerator art, but it will last much longer. And its effects will extend well beyond what we can imagine.•

__________

Murphy is CEO of Indiana University Health.