Here are my five excuses for not winning in the Feb. 3 VIP/Celebrity Poker Party at the Indianapolis Zoo's dolphin pavilion:
1. Blinded by non-celebrity status of those at my table (Only celeb I saw playing was the Chicago Bear's Devin Hester, who seemed to be cleaning up at his table. As of the final round, advertised host LeSean McCoy of the Eagles was a no-show).
2. Couldn't shake disturbing pre-party image of urinating polar bear in the neighborhing habitat (I've got photos).
3. Rapid-fire increase in blinds didn't allow time to replenishing my plate with complementary beef jerky (Thanks, though, Jack Links).
4. Only two Colts cheerleaders circulating, which ruled out the chance of any serious human pyramid-ing.
5. Dolphins smarter than I am with dealing with a loose-agressive player dominating the table.
Next up: Celebrity flag-football…